No 1 son.....

So you all know that I have the three little ones, DinoBoy, ModelGirl and FunnyGirl, and those of you who know me better are aware of No1 son too. My kids span two generations. No1 came along a few weeks after I turned 18. A young dancer with my whole life and career in front of me.

I chose the path to motherhood and it has been anything but easy I can tell you. I have had some major life threatening situations along the way and some highly emotional situations that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy but yesterday I sat as the proudest person in the room as my baby was awarded the top prize of the night at his sixth form leaving ceremony.

Whizz forward 24 hours, DinoBoy and I are walking our dog. I told him that I had lots of work tomorrow and that I might not be able to make it to his school prize giving assembly. His response was that I went to No1's last night so why couldn't I go to his?

I told him that in the fifteen years that No1 had spent at school last night was only the second assembly that I had ever been too.

DinoBoy couldn't believe it and it got us in to long conversation about times past. I grew up with secrets in my family and I never want that for my own children but talking about all that stuff still isn't easy - even now.

No1 lived with me until he was nearly four. His father then took me to court for custody of him - and won. To be told that you are a bad mother and to have the one thing that keeps you going each day taken away from you is quite frankly the worst thing any person will ever have to endure.

The day that they came for him is engraved in my soul. It is something that I will never be free from.

On the positive side - when he turned seven, they decided that his opinion was valid and No1 came back to live with me. We were a crew! A solid team! We did everything together. He was my baby and I loved him so much - I was so happy that we were whole again.

But my little ones have no knowledge of the past that No1 and I endured before we had a fabulous house, a couple of nice cars and a stable income. But then why should they? It isn't their past after all - that belongs to me and my boy.

So back to the future, when this week is very much a week of the past for me. It feels so strange for your baby to be leaving school , when it feels like only yesterday that you were in the same position. In a few weeks he will be moving to another city - gone from me forever but I am so happy that I went to his awards thing last night. He hadn't really invited me - because that's not what No1 does. He totally takes on board that I am busy, with my business and the three little ones but what he does fail to see is that he is still my No1.

By the way, and if you were wondering. No1's talents are in media also. He will be taking a place on the media course at Lincoln Uni, he is super talented in filming, editing and photography - and I LOVE HIM MORE THAN CHIPS!.....