It has been a pretty full on emotional day here... Yan was in London and I managed to eat myself to bits trying to get my head around the racism that had tainted my day.
When he arrived home, the first thing he said was that he had read my post and that he had a reply and would I post it?
So this is racism through his eyes.... and in his words....
Your comments as always are greatly appreciated.
Chinky
I have lived in-spite of racism for all of my life. I came to the United Kingdom when I was two years old. Just a baby really with the naivety that comes from a lack of life experience. At that time there were a lot less ethnic minorities than is the case now. It was not unusual for me to be the only one in the various schools I went to as my parents relocated several times due to my fathers studies (He has a PhD in Physics). For as long as I can remember I have faced taunts, be it in the form of the "Chinese, Japanese" rhyme, Chinky or other things I don't feel right to share. Most of the time they were said when I had my back to the taunters but that was not always the case. I have been spat on and threatened. Imagine a small boy of five. A boy that looked different from other boys. A boy that just wanted to fit in as most kids do. I tried to teach myself how to make myself small and almost invisible in my mind. The truth is that it only made me stand out more as they now saw me as the timid, soft target, Chinese boy. I confess I was ashamed and angry to be Chinese and wished I could be like everyone else.
As I grew older I learned how to avoid groups of people but inevitably in life there are occasions when it is inevitable. This may sound really stupid but I started smoking because of this. I always lit a cigarette before walking past a group of kids just to show them how tough I was. Face facing the pavement, cigarette in hand and fast walking.
When I went to University I worked in the bar of a hotel called the Last Drop Village in Bolton. The manager used to call me Mister King. Why? Because he could then add various christian names like Fu and Wan to this. I endured this for three years. Most of my colleagues thought it was very funny when he would call out his name for me in front of customers. In fact some of them joined in. You may ask yourself why did I work there for so long? In truth I was so used to name calling that I didn't think that other places would be any different. I also needed the money. There is also the Chinese way, which means minimal fuss.
So how has this affected me. Ask yourself how would this affect you or your child? I find groups of Anglo Saxons intimidating, be it in a pub, street or recently at a car boot sale. Every time I walk past a group of kids, I expect to be taunted. I think it didn't help that my parents did not integrate me with other Chinese kids, so I had no shared experiences or anything that would have changed my path to what it is today. Chinky is a word which makes me feel sick. People round here use that word to describe a Chinese takeaway. That word has been used in my presence and in conversation without consideration to how I might feel. My mistake is that I accept that and wait for the subject to be changed like a good subservient boy.
Often my only retreat is in myself, so yes I am self reflective. I am introverted. I was nervous of what people will say. I have been accused on many occasions of not being a people person but in truth, how can I be. I am very guarded because it would shock you all to hear where racism exists.
But having said all of that, I am the luckiest person alive. I have a beautiful wife and family who I love beyond measure. I am now a full on fashion designer. I no longer give a damn about being different. Funnily, one of the reasons I love fashion is that it is the only place where I am accepted totally for what I am. The fashion world with all its eccentricities is the only place I have ever felt at home.
So now it has touched my children. Now I am supposed to accept that the world has not got any better?
I don't expect you to understand racism unless you have faced it yourself. You cannot know what it is really like and how it affects the psyche. What I would appreciate is a moment of reflection on how you would feel if your child was made to feel worthless and a freak. I live in hope that there will be a world where differences are celebrated and not used to humiliate.
I have never spoke of this before.
"THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.
THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.
THEN THEY CAME for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.
THEN THEY CAME for me
and by that time no one was left to speak up."
Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)
I have lived in-spite of racism for all of my life. I came to the United Kingdom when I was two years old. Just a baby really with the naivety that comes from a lack of life experience. At that time there were a lot less ethnic minorities than is the case now. It was not unusual for me to be the only one in the various schools I went to as my parents relocated several times due to my fathers studies (He has a PhD in Physics). For as long as I can remember I have faced taunts, be it in the form of the "Chinese, Japanese" rhyme, Chinky or other things I don't feel right to share. Most of the time they were said when I had my back to the taunters but that was not always the case. I have been spat on and threatened. Imagine a small boy of five. A boy that looked different from other boys. A boy that just wanted to fit in as most kids do. I tried to teach myself how to make myself small and almost invisible in my mind. The truth is that it only made me stand out more as they now saw me as the timid, soft target, Chinese boy. I confess I was ashamed and angry to be Chinese and wished I could be like everyone else.
As I grew older I learned how to avoid groups of people but inevitably in life there are occasions when it is inevitable. This may sound really stupid but I started smoking because of this. I always lit a cigarette before walking past a group of kids just to show them how tough I was. Face facing the pavement, cigarette in hand and fast walking.
When I went to University I worked in the bar of a hotel called the Last Drop Village in Bolton. The manager used to call me Mister King. Why? Because he could then add various christian names like Fu and Wan to this. I endured this for three years. Most of my colleagues thought it was very funny when he would call out his name for me in front of customers. In fact some of them joined in. You may ask yourself why did I work there for so long? In truth I was so used to name calling that I didn't think that other places would be any different. I also needed the money. There is also the Chinese way, which means minimal fuss.
So how has this affected me. Ask yourself how would this affect you or your child? I find groups of Anglo Saxons intimidating, be it in a pub, street or recently at a car boot sale. Every time I walk past a group of kids, I expect to be taunted. I think it didn't help that my parents did not integrate me with other Chinese kids, so I had no shared experiences or anything that would have changed my path to what it is today. Chinky is a word which makes me feel sick. People round here use that word to describe a Chinese takeaway. That word has been used in my presence and in conversation without consideration to how I might feel. My mistake is that I accept that and wait for the subject to be changed like a good subservient boy.
Often my only retreat is in myself, so yes I am self reflective. I am introverted. I was nervous of what people will say. I have been accused on many occasions of not being a people person but in truth, how can I be. I am very guarded because it would shock you all to hear where racism exists.
But having said all of that, I am the luckiest person alive. I have a beautiful wife and family who I love beyond measure. I am now a full on fashion designer. I no longer give a damn about being different. Funnily, one of the reasons I love fashion is that it is the only place where I am accepted totally for what I am. The fashion world with all its eccentricities is the only place I have ever felt at home.
So now it has touched my children. Now I am supposed to accept that the world has not got any better?
I don't expect you to understand racism unless you have faced it yourself. You cannot know what it is really like and how it affects the psyche. What I would appreciate is a moment of reflection on how you would feel if your child was made to feel worthless and a freak. I live in hope that there will be a world where differences are celebrated and not used to humiliate.
I have never spoke of this before.
"THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.
THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.
THEN THEY CAME for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.
THEN THEY CAME for me
and by that time no one was left to speak up."
Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)
