I'm at an uneasy junction as a parent right now. I must have been blinkered, but I really didn't see the huge change that moving from primary to secondary school would have on my little girl.
Just two terms in and she has become an independent, even more strong willed version of her younger self. Phone firmly planted to her being at all times, it's all about going out with friends, clothes and funky haircuts (that push the boundaries of school acceptance).
Just two terms in and she has become an independent, even more strong willed version of her younger self. Phone firmly planted to her being at all times, it's all about going out with friends, clothes and funky haircuts (that push the boundaries of school acceptance).
The hair conversations started tentatively after just a couple of weeks at high school. A new Pinterest board, with highlights and dip dye galore appeared in answer to my staling tactic, of proving to me, that she had thought about it properly.
I kept my head down in an attempt to avoid hair conversations at all costs. But I was only delaying the inevitable.
In a moment of weakness, I agreed to take her to the salon for a strand test, I was quietly confident that her hair wouldn't lift past a shade of ginger that she would hate and we could go back to normality (at least until the goth or punk stage hit).
No such luck. Her hair, it seems, shows no sign of its Chinese heritage.
I moved the goal posts (as all good parents do). Again I thought I was home and dry. A clean and tidy bedroom was surely a mountain too high?
I underestimated her steely resolve and now, here I am on the eve of the big deed, feeling really, quite sick.
Tomorrow, the beautiful long hair, that she has been growing forever, is going to get the shock of its life and I'm not sure I can cope with sitting through it.
Do you think she's too young?
Do you think she's too young?
Only you know the answer to that question. But I will share this, a friend recently tussled with the same dilemma with her pre-teen daughter. In the end, she agreed to the pink and purple dip dye her daughter was begging for, but under the condition that her daughter go to a professional hair salon and my friend accompany her. The result was absolutely stunning and because it had been done by a trusted professional, my friend was confident the outcome would look good. Her reasoning was, it felt better to relent to this small (in the grand scheme of things) rebellion/show of independence now and show her daughter that she wasn't an ogre than risk a much bigger rebellion involving a home dye kit, tears and secrecy.
ReplyDeleteNot sure about "too young" but i refused to let Rachel have her hair dyed until she was in Year 11 - a lot of that was to do with the school policy and dyed hair. It saved a lot of arguments, tbh.
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting. The home thing… never going to happen! Appointment is with my hairdresser tomorrow!!!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately she sees that my hair is still soft and in in good condition despite me not having seen it's real colour since 1987! I think my biggest shock is that it has come about so quickly.
ReplyDeleteHow old were you when you first dis yours?
ReplyDeleteI had a completely disastrous streaking incident at the age of 15 - next time I coloured, I think I was about 18.
ReplyDeleteI think what one parent deems not appropriate another will find it appropriate. If it is okay with you then it is perfectly fine. I have allowed my eldest to have highlights so long as the bleach never touched her scalp and I have allowed her to dye her hair light brown, she will be 14 next month and has asked for her hair to be dip dyed but the answer was a firm no, her school would send her home. She also asked for her belly button pierced because her friends have it done, it will be a tattoo next!
ReplyDeleteI will add I am slightly jealous at how blonde her hair went.
ReplyDeleteMy 11 yr old has just asked me this evening at what age can she first have her hair dyed...! I think she thought I'd be quite tough about it, so she put forward 13 as her first suggested age number and I (inwardly delighted at having dodged a quicker coming round bullet), answered with a poker faced, 'maybe'.
ReplyDeleteI am HUGE on letting my kids have their own identity as far as possible, even when it pushes me out of my comfort zone. I just need the kinda final say on the look they're after and I put my foot down and insist on a change in direction if I see them cultivating something that I think could send out the wrong signals about who they are and where their values lie. It's a toughy - they are so naturally beautiful and yet they so need to strike out and explore who they are too.
So my vote is it sounds like you've thought it through and done all the right stuff. x
I guess for me, it's about what I did at that age, and how I might best have been talked out of it... and, you're living it, I can't think of one way I would have. I had a perm (I hate myself for typing those words) in (I think) form 1 (year 7?).... my mum at the same outlook as yours, with hair as thick as mine it wouldn't work... it did.
ReplyDeleteAnd by 14 I was dying my hair with henna. And 17, black dye (I like to think my mum had given up talking me out of things by then).
21... blue and red streaks.
But I think my mum would agree I turned out ok.
And that's it, for me, with your support, she'll become more than you've ever wanted to be... because she'll have your support and through the strength gained from your support her strength multiples.
For some reason I'm totally OK with hair (it grows back etc etc) although it would strike me as a bit young. (No judgement there, just how it would hit me.)
ReplyDeleteAs one whose teen boy walks around with red, blue, green, pink hair, depending on the month, I actually quite like the colours. I'm less relaxed about the skinhead parts of it (shaved sides etc.) as I think that presents a very aggressive look and it makes people judge them, usually not in a positive way. That might be too much to handle at her age, but perhaps not, judging my what you're saying. We have had incidents where I can see people (in airports etc) looking him up and down, coming to their own conclusions and generally not thinking much of him. It makes me want to scream about how his teachers love him, he's nice to his brother and all that, but I usually just go up and engage in conversation with him so the haters can see he's from a normal family and actually communicates with his parents. (Sorry for long comment.)
Post photos won't you.
I don't think I can say she's too young, each child has different maturity levels, needs and wants. She's clearly thought this through and so have you. Her hair is gorgeous as it is, I would LOVE to have her hair. She is just stunning. However, it's hair, if she hates it, it can be dyed back. It's good you have both talked about it. Good luck hon, I can imagine how difficult this is for you. Hugs xx
ReplyDeleteSusan, I would love to have her hair too. Maybe that is something to do with it too?
ReplyDeleteI sure will!
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting. Don't cut yourself up about that perm, we were all doing it!
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, the pictures that she has are lovely and she's totally on the ball with the way I roll because she also had a folder of pics she knew I would never let happen in a million years.
ReplyDeleteI do admire her spirit and will, I'm just not so sure I'm ready for her to stop being my baby girl.
Me too. Like WHAT is that all about?!
ReplyDeleteOn a positive note, there's no way she would want her belly pierced or a tattoo! YET!
I must have driven my mum at that age as I wanted to dye my hair too. I think I first did when I was sixteen though and used semi permanent. It's a girl thing
ReplyDeleteI think you made the right choice. It would have been difficult too see her dying all of her hair but dip dyeing doesn't seem so bad. I was allowed my first perm at that age too and it meant so much to me. :-) x
ReplyDeleteI think this is every parent's prerogative - to make their own decision on what is/isn't too young. I have told my 12 year old that I won't consider it until she is 16 (knowing full well that I can reduce that by a year or so but when I see fit!). Every child is different and your decision must be based solely on your relationship and your child. Everyone will have an opinion on it though, I am sure!
ReplyDeletelet her. she isnt too young. My daughter is 11 and after months maybe a year of talking and negotiating we decided that she could have 4 inches dyed blonde if she promises NEVER to let her room get messy. we went to the salon to get it done. now bear in mind she had just started high school 1 month ago and wasnt enjoying because she claimed she was feeling like a little kid because she didnt have multiple piercings and stuff i forbided, Well i noticed that about 2 days after we got her hair done she started being more lively and happy and didnt speak a word of being left out or feeling like a baby again to me.
ReplyDeletePlease consider doing it
it will help her get thru high school