I got married and I had three beautiful children, then one morning when our eldest child was nine years old things started to change. Something had entered our life that we as a family unit had no control over. Suddenly we had become 'the Chinese family'. I'm of white English heritage and my husband is Chinese. Born in the British territory of Hong Kong, he moved to the UK - as was his rite as a British citizen (he holds a UK passport having being born in the British Empire) when he was two years old.
When I met him and fell in love with him I didn't see a 'Chinese man'. I saw a beautiful soul full of passion and love and warmth. Someone who accepted me, nurtured, comforted me and loved me despite my many, many problems.
Of course I knew that he was Chinese but my point is that I didn't see that.
Now I know that the reason that I din't see it is because I am not racist.
I don't see a person's colour, I see their heart and their soul and I am slowly but surely realising that this is not a universal human trait.
I blogged back in June about an incident involving FunnyGirl at school and despite their faultless zero tolerance attitude we once again find ourselves being singled out due to the behaviour of a few children.
I should be saying that I am very proud of the way that Sonny handled the situation last week. He calmly took the abuse and then reported it to a dinner lady. I told him that I was proud of him for rising above it when I really wanted to tell him that he should have smashed the little shites in the face.
I want to smash the little shites in the face. But I'm not allowed to do that because then I would be the one in the wrong.
Again I find myself in the situation of having to speak with parents that I class as friends and again it seems that I made another wrong friendship choice. After all - they have an Indian family next door and they are very good friends with them.
I know that I shouldn't make this about me - after all I'm not the one having to take the racism face on but I'm the one that has taken on the fight. Yan's had this for his whole life and he's kind of resigned to it. Why wouldn't he be after over 40 years of daily abuse? But for me it's something that has just landed right in the middle of my little world and blown it apart.
I don't get it. I just do not see why the fact that someone is Chinese, green, blue, black or two headed is something to be ridiculed. But what I do know is that my children are becoming tainted by the views of others and when it comes to who you are - that just isn't fair.
The positive side to this sorry tale is that we do feel supported by the school but we are also aware that they can only have so much influence. Children can be taught things at school but if they go home to parents teaching them to sing "Chinese, Japanese, what are these dirty knees (enter the name of any of my children) stinks" then where is the hope?
I've always said that children are not born racist and whilst it could be argued that things are done in innocence or jest I have to point out that following the incidents in June a whole school assembly on racism plainly explained that it simply isn't acceptable to taunt, tease or single anyone out in life.
Clearly this subject is very close to my heart. I would love to hear from other people. Not just parents about their experiences with racism.
I didn't have the best childhood but I clearly didn't grow up with race issues. Is that a learnt behavior? Are parents to blame? What can I do to help my children to overcome this?
