The End Of An Era

School broke for the summer on Friday and as term ended, so did Biba's time at primary school. 

It's emotional and even though I've been here before, this year feels different somehow. I'm still not sure why.

Maybe because I'm not ready for my little girl to move to 'big school'? Or maybe because I don't want my little girl to make that next step towards teenage independence...

I hope that her next school allows her to realise her dreams, just as mine did for me.

One parent rocks the school - Update

My post earlier this week has continued to gain momentum and thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read through and add their opinions in the comments. Whilst out playing taxi driver to my daughters this weekend I've been approached by so many people commending me for speaking out about this situation, that I feel duty bound to bring you all up to date with with what has happened.

Two days after the original letter home, that sparked this whole debate I received a second letter from the school.

I was handed the letter by my eleven year old son (one of the Star Pupil children who should have been on the trip). His response.... 

"Well a blue badge makes it all OK???? NOT."

I have to agree with him.

It has been interesting watching this pan out over the last week. I know that many parents from the school have visited my blog for the first time and left their views and in the school playground it is still the main topic of conversation BUT the dynamic has shifted.

Now everyone wants to know why the school has handled this situation so badly. Letters have been sent to the HT and the governors but as far as I know, they are still waiting for a response.

So in conclusion of the last week...

Year 6 children are bitter at the way they have been treated and younger year 3 children are confused about why their promised reward trip has been cancelled.

Parents are losing faith in the school management and the school management have totally let down no only the parents but the children too.

My view?

A blue badge sucks.

The baby name debate.... How did you choose?

One of my friends is pregnant with her first baby and she's struggling to come up with a name that she loves. She knows that she's having a boy and she has a few names that she kind of likes but nothing that's blowing her away.

When I was pregnant with No1 son I had my names done and dusted by the time I was sixteen weeks. 

Ethan for a boy and Polly for a girl. 

I'm not sure where I plucked Polly from but back then Ethan was a pretty rare name in the UK. I fell in love with it back in 1988 thanks to the US comedy drama Thirty Something.

Thankfully I had a boy and Polly never saw the light of day.

No 2 son was always going to be Sonny. I love his name and he loves it too (he informed me yesterday when we were discussing this very topic.)

My girls weren't so straight forward and I toyed with so many names before settling on Biba. I LOVE her name. It's original, quirky and cool and it really suits her but by the time you get to No 4 things start to get tricky.

Poor FunnyGirl... In the absence of a name we called her Spud and it kind of stuck. When Yan went off to register her birth I still had no idea what he was going to choose. We'd toyed with Coco, Betty, Kitty,  Kai and at least ten others but she looked like a Spud to me!

He chose Betty and it really suits her. My mum's sister's called Betty and so is one of my cousins so I guess that it's become a bit of a family tradition.

How did you choose your children's names and do you have any great boy's names you can suggest for my friend? Come on be creative - we want to hear all of your favourites.

Has The World Gone Mad?

I was in a bit of a bad mummy place this afternoon when it suddenly dawned on me that whilst Yan was busy creating one of his pieces live in store as part of London Fashion Week I was on swimming gala duty.

This normally wouldn't be too much of an issue but the girls and I are off to Ireland next week for their filming slot in a forthcoming new CITV show and we will have been at dance show rehearsals all day and, well, I have loads to get sorted and I haven't even thought about packing.

So when Yan and Sonny went off to tonight's training session I asked Yan to tell them that we couldn't make it on Saturday after all.

Calmness descended over me and I instantly knew that I'd done the right thing in pulling them out.

My calm was to be short lived.

After informing the team manager, Yan had been told that it was OK as this wasn't a league gala and that they'd had to field their slowest swimmers so that they didn't get penilised.

Fire and brimstone may have engulfed me at that moment. Am I missing something? I was a swimmer, my dad was a coach. I trained every day for at least ten years of my childhood. Taking part in a competitive sport is about winning. It's about being the best. Well it used to be, though clearly not any more.

ModelGirl was over the moon when she was picked for the gala. Swimming's not her thing but she aspires to fill her spot in our family of county champions. And that drives her on. Makes her work hard in her lessons and gives her something to strive for.

Until tonight.

Am I missing something? Has the world gone mad? A swimming gala where you don't win if you swim too fast...

This modern practice of wrapping our children up in cotton wool to save them from getting hurt really has gone a step too far. Children are driven by the need to compete - many adults are too. Is that so wrong? Do you really want moments like this to be a thing of the past?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Picture Credit: Rebecca Adlington takes Olympic Gold

Racism once again..

I got married and I had three beautiful children, then one morning when our eldest child was nine years old things started to change. Something had entered our life that we as a family unit had no control over. Suddenly we had become 'the Chinese family'. I'm of white English heritage and my husband is Chinese. Born in the British territory of Hong Kong, he moved to the UK - as was his rite as a British citizen (he holds a UK passport having being born in the British Empire) when he was two years old.

When I met him and fell in love with him I didn't see a 'Chinese man'. I saw a beautiful soul full of passion and love and warmth. Someone who accepted me, nurtured, comforted me and loved me despite my many, many problems.

Of course I knew that he was Chinese but my point is that I didn't see that. 

Now I know that the reason that I din't see it is because I am not racist.

I don't see a person's colour, I see their heart and their soul and I am slowly but surely realising that this is not a universal human trait.

I blogged back in June about an incident involving FunnyGirl at school and despite their faultless zero tolerance attitude we once again find ourselves being singled out due to the behaviour of a few children.

I should be saying that I am very proud of the way that Sonny handled the situation last week. He calmly took the abuse and then reported it to a dinner lady. I told him that I was proud of him for rising above it when I really wanted to tell him that he should have smashed the little shites in the face.

I want to smash the little shites in the face. But I'm not allowed to do that because then I would be the one in the wrong.

Again I find myself in the situation of having to speak with parents that I class as friends and again it seems that I made another wrong friendship choice. After all - they have an Indian family next door and they are very good friends with them.

I know that I shouldn't make this about me - after all I'm not the one having to take the racism face on but I'm the one that has taken on the fight. Yan's had this for his whole life and he's kind of resigned to it. Why wouldn't he be after over 40 years of daily abuse? But for me it's something that has just landed right in the middle of my little world and blown it apart.

I don't get it. I just do not see why the fact that someone is Chinese, green, blue, black or two headed is something to be ridiculed. But what I do know is that my children are becoming tainted by the views of others and when it comes to who you are - that just isn't fair.

The positive side to this sorry tale is that we do feel supported by the school but we are also aware that they can only have so much influence. Children can be taught things at school but if they go home to parents teaching them to sing "Chinese, Japanese, what are these dirty knees (enter the name of any of my children) stinks" then where is the hope? 

I've always said that children are not born racist and whilst it could be argued that things are done in innocence or jest I have to point out that following the incidents in June a whole school assembly on racism plainly explained that it simply isn't acceptable to taunt, tease or single anyone out in life.

Clearly this subject is very close to my heart. I would love to hear from other people. Not just parents about their experiences with racism.

I didn't have the best childhood but I clearly didn't grow up with race issues. Is that a learnt behavior? Are parents to blame? What can I do to help my children to overcome this? 

All advice warmly welcomed. I need it. xx
Related posts: Shocked to the core
Chinky

A Restaurant Bans Screaming Kids

This morning I received a call from our local radio station. They were doing a piece about a restaurant called Olde Salty's in North Carolina banning screaming kids - and wanted a mums opinion.

So should noisy kids be thrown out of a restaurant? 

"Hell no" was my response, I suggested that a group of gaggling mums can make way more noise (she thinks back to the bar antics after this years CyberMummy... not mentioning any names..... you know who you are).

But this is an interesting debate and of course it has thrust Olde Salty into the news around the world making it North Carolina's most talked about food establishment.

My children have always been used to eating out and I can hand on heart say that I don't remember a single incident where my dinner would have been in jeopardy due to their behaviour but I'm well aware that a calm toddler or child can flip into devil mode without a seconds notice. Would that mean that a waiter marches up to you and throws you out onto the street mid bite before you get a chance to calm your little one down?

Luckily ModelGirl was not in a food establishment whilst screaming.

Call me a bitter old PR, but whilst the "SCREAMING CHILDREN WILL NOT BE TOLERATED" signs on the door have kept some families away trade in the restaurant is said to be booming.

What do you think?

teens, kids, mum...

Until recently I had never really seen having children that spanned a couple of generations an issue. No1 was ten when TotallySonny came along - he  did have a major wobble but it in all honesty it didn't last that long. I'd been convinced that 'Only Child Syndrome' would kick in and from the moment that my new baby arrived my life would be hell.

It wasn't.... and despite being the big one zero, No1 son actually took it on the chin. He seemed to like the new bundle of blurghhhhh and as time went by the bundle of blurghhhhh decided that No1 son was actually the one person in the whole universe that he totally wanted to be with.

Now TotallySonny is nearly ten himself and No1 son has flown the nest - all the way to uni and I'm a mother without child. 

It's odd. A strange feeling. For me maybe more so as I've been a mum for more than half of my short life. 

I want more than anything for my children to lead happy fulfilled lives that I am a part of but I feel that I am trapped in the center of a very strong merry-go-round of competition, admiration, pride, judgement, rivalry and hate and I don't know how to make it stop..

My children hate each other or love each other. There is no middle ground and no understanding and it drives me to tears.

I know that every parent has similarly frustrated moments with their brood but I really have no idea about what I should do to make each end everyone of my children happy. 

I'm welcoming your comments and thoughts. Perhaps you have a wonder theory or you've simply decided to build a very big tower that can house / school our girls until they are  thirty and ready to face the world...

Baby & All Bag Carrier and changing bag in one!

Now if there ever was a good idea then this has to be it. All of you out there with a toddler will be only too aware of their fierce determination to walk everywhere - until they actually have to do it that is.
How many times have you been caught short without your pushchair and end up lugging your heavy little one till your arms are ready to burst?
The Baby & All bag is the complete answer! It is a handbag / changing bag that with a couple of adjustments becomes a carrier too. You don't have to empty your bag to get it into carrier mode which makes it perfect for those times when their little legs just won't walk any further.
It comes in a few different styles but I especially love their new designer option that is just about to hit the shops. It is going to sell for around £90 but it looks like the kind of handbag that I am more than happy to be seen out and about with.
for more info www.debraclare.com